the best lies are told with fingers tied.

i'm not perfect.

by any means.

then why do i pretend like i am?

this summer, i became real with God, He became real to me and it

changed my life.

i won't say that everything has been marvelous since then, but

when something bad does come along...i know who to go to.

i've been hearing a lot lately about discipleship..at bsu, at church,

in revivals, in every-day life.  i want to be a disciple, i am a disciple.

where have i shown it?

nowhere. no way.

for this i am ashamed..who am i to accept God's gift and then just sit

idly by watching everyone else do the work?

that's not what this relationship is about.

the other day, i was on a van with a few other members of the band

and i was fortunate enough to have my own seat up front.

i knew i should have talked to the driver.

"hi. how are you? what's your name?

do you know Jesus?"

but i didn't. i sat there.

content.

just content.

what's wrong with me? of course i care..i mean, i have the desire

to share.

then why don't i?

i'm afraid, and i'm not afraid to admit it.

ironic, huh?

i have been praying for courage, but lately courage seems

slow coming.

so i did something about it..

"go ye therefore and teach all nations.." (matt. 28:19)

teach?

isn't that what i'm in school for? teaching.

i can do that!

where can i teach?

then it was october..aka, summer missions month.

i went to csc..and heard about more missions..i couldn't

get it out of my mind.

is this what i'm supposed to do?

i began to look up the available summer mission trips online.

one in canada really stood out to me.

i could teach guitar lessons..small groups..and just go out

into the community and befriend the people and invite them

to church.

i applied.

me! the girl who was afraid to say hey to a van driver.

applied for two months of missions work.

i couldn't have done it without courage from God.

so, without even realizing it, God had answered my prayer.

thank you.

oh, by the way, have i mentioned how thankful i am lately?

  i am.

i have an amazing family, church family, and fabulous friends.

friends, whom, i haven't been the greatest towards lately.

and for that i am sorry.

i love you guys.
and remember, i'm not perfect.