the same sun that rises over castles and welcomes the day spills over buildings into the streets where orphans play.

i am so, totally, irreconcilably, horridly, irritatingly inconsistent.

man.

i love this whole blogging idea. everything about it...

guess i'm just a slacker. but hey, at least i'm trying.

so....here's what has happened lately.

i went to baltimore on the spring break bsu mission trip!

totally awesome!

it was so much fun...and i really got to see God work in the city.

even if just a little.

also, i went to interviews for summer missions.

i got the job in canada!

toronto, ontario, canada.

for two months.

big change, but God will work!

i'm sure of it.

some bad news.

while i was in baltimore, i received an e-mail.

"are you able to bring 500 dollars per month to rent an apartment?"

for toronto..

my first reaction:

"NO I AM NOT ABLE TO BRING 500 DOLLARS PER MONTH TO RENT AN APARTMENT!!!"

but then i took a breath, reread the e-mail, and thought:

"it might work out."

so i'm just trusting God...i have nowhere near 500 dollars,

but He is in control.

so i need some prayers, guys.

also, i wish i lived on the prairie in the 1800's.

done.

take time to think.

i'm not sure if anybody reads this, but i do love having

the time to write it.

i absolutely love Christmas! it is literally the greatest

time of year.  all the decorations, food, family get

togethers, and most of all....music.

i love Christmas music!

it reminds me of why God sent Jesus to the earth.

for us.

we are so loved.

no need for me to elaborate.

merry Christmas!

the best lies are told with fingers tied.

i'm not perfect.

by any means.

then why do i pretend like i am?

this summer, i became real with God, He became real to me and it

changed my life.

i won't say that everything has been marvelous since then, but

when something bad does come along...i know who to go to.

i've been hearing a lot lately about discipleship..at bsu, at church,

in revivals, in every-day life.  i want to be a disciple, i am a disciple.

where have i shown it?

nowhere. no way.

for this i am ashamed..who am i to accept God's gift and then just sit

idly by watching everyone else do the work?

that's not what this relationship is about.

the other day, i was on a van with a few other members of the band

and i was fortunate enough to have my own seat up front.

i knew i should have talked to the driver.

"hi. how are you? what's your name?

do you know Jesus?"

but i didn't. i sat there.

content.

just content.

what's wrong with me? of course i care..i mean, i have the desire

to share.

then why don't i?

i'm afraid, and i'm not afraid to admit it.

ironic, huh?

i have been praying for courage, but lately courage seems

slow coming.

so i did something about it..

"go ye therefore and teach all nations.." (matt. 28:19)

teach?

isn't that what i'm in school for? teaching.

i can do that!

where can i teach?

then it was october..aka, summer missions month.

i went to csc..and heard about more missions..i couldn't

get it out of my mind.

is this what i'm supposed to do?

i began to look up the available summer mission trips online.

one in canada really stood out to me.

i could teach guitar lessons..small groups..and just go out

into the community and befriend the people and invite them

to church.

i applied.

me! the girl who was afraid to say hey to a van driver.

applied for two months of missions work.

i couldn't have done it without courage from God.

so, without even realizing it, God had answered my prayer.

thank you.

oh, by the way, have i mentioned how thankful i am lately?

  i am.

i have an amazing family, church family, and fabulous friends.

friends, whom, i haven't been the greatest towards lately.

and for that i am sorry.

i love you guys.
and remember, i'm not perfect.